Old sayings...

The longer you hold out before, the longer you would last...

what about me now?

all i know is this has been my longest stint, it will be my longest and i really hope it does.

To my grave.

Can't smile without You - Barry Manilow

why cant i...

How...

How?
怎么办？
كيف?
hvordan?
kung paano?
miten?
hvernig?
πώς?
कैसे?
방법?
どのように?
làm thế nào?

feed you first...

i will remember to give you a bite of everything first....not because you would die first if anything happens -.-
its because i love you...

now all thats left is this...i hope you still can try

我的女人

她是我的女人...

life is fragile...

losing and gaining happens in a sec or less, then someone would have lost or gained...the other the opposite...

there's nothing one can do when a life is taken, the mournings the moaning's...

Appreciate life, there isn't always as much space and time as you think...

the way i appreciate my one and only, 我的女人...

"dear lord..."

One man once said a dinner prayer : " dear lord....Thank you ".

2 words represented everything he was feeling and thinking...

i'm not being religious or anything, but given my case...my starting speech would also be the ending speech...

"Thank you"

By all means, 

i would cook 3 meals for our family;

i would wash all the dishes and clothes;

i would drive you and hold your bags as you shop around the malls;

i would vacuum floors and do the cleanings;

i would discuss topgear, football, basketball and even make up/styling if you want me to;

i would play your favorite sports, play your favorite games, do everything that you like;

i would dig out all the nice makan-makan places so that you can enjoy;

i would sit down and listen to all your complaints;

i would stand by your side every matter in our lives;

i would pamper you with so much love and gifts;

i would handle and tolerate everything that's you;

i would spend time with your family as much as mine because we are family;

i would do all kinds of stupid things with you;

i would laugh at your jokes and comfort you when you do something embarrassing;

i would fix you baddest mood;

i would run through obstacles with you;

because you love me and accepted my past, present and future, because you believe me and know that i would do the same and love you even more :D

I know you love me, X.O.X.O

taken in the streets of new york and the shell station of sungai buloh...

i personally wanna thank my photographer which makes me looks so good...

I know you love me, XOXO

I love you too :)

Avril Lavigne - When You're Gone

lifeless

a fresh bottle of GLENMORANGIE, now left 30%, this has been the only thing in and out me for the past 48 hours, facing these four walls for the past 48 hours, no real human contact for the past 48 hours, how long more can i last...

Looking at the 3 piece of clothing from Bardot for the past 36 hours, holding my 2 Blackberry's beside my bed for the past 36 hours, looking at pictures with my one and only...how long more before i would sunk into breakdown...

How long more before i lose myself and turn to depression...

How long more before i leave my life...

Bardot shopping

Me spent a morning there, was actually in foul mood during my journey but someone was in an even worst mood. Well at least what i would tell next should have and will make her happy (i hope)

i stopped in front of 65 Mollison St, Abbottsford, Victoria, it reads "Bardot warehouse" on the sign and i really had a STONED mind reading those words =.=



Then i took a chance open the door for a man who wanted to step in after parking his car, but he thanked me and allowed me in first so i couldn't say no this time.

Well it wasn't as scary as i first thought it would be, luckily there wasn't a whole large crowd of ppl.

i started walking and looking up and dwn, left and right at whatever thats nice, and after a few calls and several trips to the salesperson, i got a few things in the correct sizes (i think). Then i found this $5 rack, an old asian auntie was digging in it, i think she's viet or indon, she looks like our typical Malaysian family maid, ewhhhhhhhh. She pretty much starred at whatever i picked up and give a nasty look, if i could, i would have said FUCK YOU! but i was in a good mood, i found things to buy :D

then in the end, when i paid, the cashier asked : "Do you need to ask your GF to try these on? you're aware that there are no refunds?"
and i was like... "she's not here, but dont worry, i'm sure she'll look great in those :) "
then she smiled back...

and i know that i was right to come so far choose alone and get caught in rain on my journey home,
despite the evil witch stare and foul mood in the morning i'm can say i had a happy day :)

FOR YOU

I know davidoff is so for man but then again, the woman Echo smells awesome!

bought it for you, writing this blog because i slept like a pig, but i was really tired, sorry i didn't wake o.o

Sorry i'm a pig, they should make a song
i'm a pig i'm a pig i'm a pig imma imma imma pig
-.-


The end, going back to sleep still drowsy and headache

Rejection is ugly...

Can't get my head straight, i feel out of your life, i can't get in i can't get near, this isn't how i thought things would be...

This is hard...its painful...its killing...


But what doesn't kills you makes you stronger...and i will be.

i'll wait for you...

LIFE...

Life is a bumpy ride, with everything around, some going the right way some not...
But thats how its interesting,
in life, the first part is always interesting, the second part, thats when the depth comes in...

i love you much, you know i do, ian vows to trudy :)

busy

lots of assignments, homework, and yet i find myself stoning all day long...hell...
it has always been my fault, i could have just caused so much less trouble for everyone in my life
especially you trudylimxinyee, i've never meant to hurt you or to cause anything at all affecting us...

i really hope this is passed, and we can proceed with our life...together again

you know i love you only, trudylimxinyee

I changed my URL :) its a happy thing for me, words cannot describe my feelings so i actually can't blog it, just look at my smiley face :) and again :) hoho

Turning Back...

I'll always been disappointing and vowed to turn back only after i done wrong....

Would you take me back if i could just quit doing wrong?

I will....

i'm sorry again for my foolishness

I'm sorry for the times you cried,
and the loneliness you felt inside.
I'm sorry for the way things were,
and the selfishness that you endured.
I'm sorry for the nights we lost,
and the deep pain it must have cost.
I'm sorry for the love you missed;
losing you helped me realize this.

I'm sorry I wasn't there to show,
the deepest love you'll ever know.
I'm sorry for the empty days,
and the stresses that you still yet pay.
I'm sorry for the way I did things;
I've never felt so much regret.
I'm sorry for the heart I broke,
that shattered with the words I spoke.
I'm sorry for the empty space,
that lay beside you in my place.
I'm sorry for the empty arms;
you fell into when times were hard.
I'm sorry for the days that passed,
Our love now will surely last.
I'm sorry it took so long to vow,
to love you forever here and now. 

Forgiving

Time stopped moving at moments within this 2 weeks, couldn't tell where i was couldn't tell what i was doing...

Walking to places we've been, having the food we had together, doing things we did together...an illusion in my little own small denial world seemed to become my best friend and companionship.

But somehow time has told that i had to face facts someday or i would be stuck here forever and not to say  ever get to speak to you again...

Reality is i've cheated and pushed it even further when i had no guts to tell the one that believed me and waited for me with her life and time.

By the time i finally realised, (f***, what am i even doing) i sort of believed if i could just die, would you come back ?

Time stoned again, but this time in a good way...
being committed, faithful and honest was all i could do but it took you courage (whole lots of it) to believe me again and sort of accept the fact that i did wrong...

It came up to my mind, being committed, faithful and honest is not what i would do yet, i would fly thousand miles back home before telling you...

i am committed,
i will be faithful and....
most importantly, i will be honest for our future...

to meet someone that would make you think about having a future together no matter where in the end you will end up is...just blissfully unmatchable

this time, nothing will bring us down...because i will be shielding you knowing that you are even more committed, faithful and honest to me, and i have to match it, because we have a future together

P.S : a future of a couple is simple...be committed, faithful and honest

Utada - Come Back To Me

now or later....

hopes perceived...

life and death

sane and insanity

everything extreme is through a line...

kill me

bangkok?

ฉันรักคุณ
ฉันคิดถึงคุณให้ อภัย ฉัน

Bad dream...is reality

this probably has been told for like a billion times, in different languages in different places...

i regret doing this to you, i'm sorry,
what a pain it is for me without you, and how far worst was the pain for you when you found out.

Nothing has made me beg this hard, the world really feels like an end without you, forgive me...

I know life is really hard and me making it worst but i really want to fix it, give me a chance pls...

my first step is....to place you where you belong, the one and only in my heart and on me

my life is awesome

FML my life why is this happening, i'm goin home what the hell is wrong with my body! fuck

gazing gazzer gaga...

new friends

i am familiar with 3 new ppl nowadays, still sad to see them but the always appear, "btw" "anyhow"  and "whatever", why are they the only words appearing in my life in m mind...

Caring...

i don't deserve care i don't deserve pity...
i'm not sad because i don't have those,
i'm just sad because you say you don't care...

T.T

Home (cover)

i know that you like covers...that are nice, i hope mine is...its only for you...

recorded like so many times!!

Communicating...

Do i have communicating problems or ppl just dont want to talk me?

maybe they hate me?

maybe she hates me now and then?

shall i just keep my mouth shut to survive...or stay out of everything...

Life...

Happy just to see you smile....

first thing on a cam seeing you smile makes me have mix emotions...
feels happy that you're smilling....
others....

SMILE always....

Love,
ian

Our Story...

Given new hope, life seems more bright more lively...
lost in life, you pull me up like a glittering starlight

I LOVE YOU

irrational ✘ selfish

confident of sth?

think elsewhere think outside the box...things are never that easy...

Life's Good, LG...

thats what ppl's first opinion about me...too bad they don't see deep enough...

my life is imperfect, might be falling worst, might even go anytime....(chinese saying)

problems arise, always at a sudden and they always come heavily...

trying to save myself, possibly my life, my love...

wish me luck

this is not new...

blogging...me...possibly...


this is dedicated to the one that just started her own blog...for me...


the world is full of drama and twists, love you, love me, love my other half ayi...


LOVE LIFE™ :)